i had this trite idea some time ago whilst listening to ‘suicide’. i would find sheet music online for a ‘suicide’ track and to each musical note i would add a link to an actual suicide note. i don’t know why i thought this would be worthwhile. i didn’t do it. not only because of the dubious merit but if i’m honest, the search for ‘suicide’ sheet music proved to be difficult.
i’m reading ’45’. it is a book by bill drummond. he was in The KLF. i didn’t understand them at first, The KLF i mean. i was maybe 10 or 11. i don’t understand now either, but my memory was more exclusive when i was younger. what i mean is i would discount certain elements on a need to know basis. i believe it was a conscious decision to allow my imagination roam free. i was to understand the justified ancients of mu mu when i was a responsible adult. i was alert to music. i was aware that most records are pretty shite, and that thankfully the luxury of taste allows us to absorb the finest stuff. (sadly, i feel inclined to point out here that since i’m not a supermarket, ‘finest’ does not quantify most expensive). so memory rekindled i type The KLF into spotify and was a little disappointed when all i could find was a remix of ‘3am eternal’. (during the course of writing this i’ve discovered the band had their back catalogue deleted).
’45’ is a collection of his exploits and adventures as an ‘artist’, musician and almost druidical mischief maker. such joys as attempting to hang 2 dead cows from a electricity pylon, burning one million quid, promoting an imaginary black metal finnish band (called ‘The Fuckers’ – who for the sake of amusement you should know comprise of Billy Fuck on vocals, Nasty Fuck on guitar, JJ Fuck on bass and Sick Fuck on drums) – that sort of thing. in another section he had this idea of writing his name using block capitals in a london A-Z using the roads and pathways as guidance as best he could:
he then walked the route spelled out by his name. he took pleasure in this, almost as a kind of invisible graffiti tag. on the second ‘L’ he stumbled upon a small art gallery. inside there was an ordnance survey map in a frame. it had a circle in the centre and the footpaths within the circle had been blacked out. there is a note beside the picture explaining how the artist had walked each of these routes. bill understood this to be a sign, although he did not understand what it was telling him. i like this, nothing and yet something.
inspired is not the right word, but my mind came back to the suicide notes. i felt i should go through the process with disregard. the process of nothing becoming something or vice versa. i wonder if it’s as simple a thing as lack of understanding that feeds a self-imposed curiosity that leads us to create, operating like some sort of BLIND FAITH. i search again. i didn’t find what i was looking for but almost immediately i came across an image that caught my eye; the sheet music for ‘3am eternal’ by The K.L.F.
maybe that’s all i was looking for, a connection.
t b c.